Just outside my car window...
is a world that I think I've been avoiding. 
Something that has been running through my mind recently is how I can be compassionate to people in need. When a chance presents itself, I tend to buy food for someone that says they are hungry. On the whole, though, I think I err on the side of being uncaring or cynical, and this really disturbs me.
For instance, the other day I was driving in Houston, and I saw this man at a corner with the "Hungry! Need Food!" sign... while eating a sandwich. I think my mind went something like this:
"I'm going to have to stop at this stoplight, so I better lock my door so he can't get to me. How stupid that he's asking for food while he's chomping on a nice sandwich that someone clearly just got for him. He really just wants a handout! Hmmm... I should take a picture... *fumble through bag*... *click*"
In similar situations, I have been known to pick up my mobile phone and fake a conversation, just to avoid eye-contact. For me, eye-contact is the worst part of the pan-handler-experience. Once eye-contact is made, I feel like I HAVE to help! Who knew cell-phones were the cure?
Something that has been running through my mind recently is how I can be compassionate to people in need. When a chance presents itself, I tend to buy food for someone that says they are hungry. On the whole, though, I think I err on the side of being uncaring or cynical, and this really disturbs me.
For instance, the other day I was driving in Houston, and I saw this man at a corner with the "Hungry! Need Food!" sign... while eating a sandwich. I think my mind went something like this:
"I'm going to have to stop at this stoplight, so I better lock my door so he can't get to me. How stupid that he's asking for food while he's chomping on a nice sandwich that someone clearly just got for him. He really just wants a handout! Hmmm... I should take a picture... *fumble through bag*... *click*"
In similar situations, I have been known to pick up my mobile phone and fake a conversation, just to avoid eye-contact. For me, eye-contact is the worst part of the pan-handler-experience. Once eye-contact is made, I feel like I HAVE to help! Who knew cell-phones were the cure?
If the person who needs help is clean, well-spoken, friendly, or otherwise pleasant, I am highly-likely to offer assistance. Be ye dirty, smelly, uneducated, dangerous-looking, or otherwise unsightly, and I will use all tactics possible to avoid. Moreover, I am pretty sure you are just a swindler!
How more backwards could my thinking be? Basically, the less help someone appears to need, the more-likely I will help out.
My practices of caring for others really need to change. What do you think about praticing compassion to those in need? Is it easy/difficult, crucial/nice-to-do, confusing/straightforward?
posted by em at 1/22/2006 09:30:00 PM
8 Comments:
It's horribly difficult to do and I act just like you most of the time.
I did have one experience...the one time I was fortunate enough to visit NYC. A man approached me and said, "can you spare some change, I'm hungry"....and I replied, "walk down the street with us and I'll buy you something to eat." He just shook his head and walked away.
So...maybe the sandwich was a decoy to try and prove that he really does want food. (being sarcastic here)
I don't know the answer to this dilemma. You're the big strong action star...you help them! At least you could do a back flip or something and kick them if they tried to assault you. haha! See....I have the exact same feelings you do.
yes, emery, you suck. but at least you admit you suck. viva la america! there's hope for you yet. it amazes me that there are hungry people in a country where there are so many fat people. maybe if the skilled countries (like australia) surgically implanted a 3rd arm onto the fat people of the USA, which could be pre-programmed with muscle memory and a motor-neuro (or converse of this) response to stop the other hands from putting food in one's mouth, this would open the opportunity for this 3rd hand to then put food into somebody else's mouth. of course, this would mean that if you eat at home, then the homeless would have experience their 'homelessness' near enough to your home, to put the food in their mouth. of course, if they weren't -- then we could mobilize the fat ass of america by getting it to walk TO the homeless, which is a double whammy (as opposed to a double cheeseburger) because walking TO the homeless represents the obvious challenge of 'finding them', which may not be easy (another slap in the face of America's belief system) in that they are, in fact, homeless.
so - i agree your thinking is crapola re. this, and hey, i'm your friend. but i must say the benefit of experience is the understanding of others. and freankly - your giving in recent years may have been out of excess, not expectation of good things through walking by faith.
since going through some difficulty myself, i noticed my attitude (previously nearly identical to yours, of course!) changing toward those who can't "see" beyond where they are now.
i don't think i've ever met anybody who understands the poor without being poor in spirit (a precursor to being materially poor) first themselves. many, many people claim to understand the poor, but yet only *pity* the poor. a valid response, but it's not the same.
i'd bet the guy in the photo doesn't even realise the message he's giving by eating that sandwich, and neither would we if we were in the emotional 'place' we'd have to be to do what he's doing daily. (or not doing, as the case may be.) this transcends the obvious position of being really hungry, which would make me oblivious to how i 'appear' to others - a luxury afforded the over-consuming masses.
we need to take care of those around us, it's called community, and it's not just for the Salvo's (salvation army) it's for all of us.
Back in the early 80's, during the recession years, I remember hearing about thhe homeless all of the time. Of course there have been homeless people since then, but for some reason they just don't talk about it on the news anymore (or maybe I don't pay as much attention??). The news media coverage seems to have an inverse relationship to the number of hours the news is on TV. Doesn't make sense to me. But I digress....
I will never forget a story the news did when I was around 7-8 years old on this homeless man living under the Pierce Elevated. Apparently, he had a family-- a daughter at least-- who was willing to take him in, but she didn't know he was homeless. I remember thinking how stupid that was and I informed my father that I never wanted to find out he was homeless by seeing him on TV living under a bridge. I also have a great uncle who was homeless for many many years. It was a lifestyle he chose for whatever reason and he'd show up from time to time to get money from the family and if someone died and we needed to tell George, my dad always knew where to go looking for him.
My point is, you may feel guilty, but you probably don't want to help these people because the kind of "help" they want [drugs/booze to ease their suffering/mental illness/whatever] is not the kind of "help" you want to give [counseling, a hot meal, a job]. The people who are clean and friendly probably have good mental health and have just gotten into some trouble. They are people we can identify with and trust.
Our old church made up "street bags" to carry in our car and hand out to the folks on the corner-- a snack bar, a bottle of water, some items for personal hygiene (hotel bar of soap, toothbrush, etc), and a Bible verse. Maybe doing something like that would make you feel better about it.
It would be interesting to do a documentary on a homeless community-- what happened, why they are there, what is their background.
I remember hearing a sermon and the pastor was talking about helping people that ask for it. He said that when he got to heaven he would rather say "I helped, than say, well I was shrewd, Lord, they seemed like alcoholics, and I didn't let them pull one over on me."
I think their position is much harder than I can ever imagine. If you stop and ask what they need, most of the time they will say they are desperate for a blanket or for a pair of shoes or some such object that we take so for granted. Most are willing to offer to do any kind of work to earn money.
And to top it off most of us don't have to deal with the mental agonies that most go through with their mental disabilities, let alone the humility of having gotten where they are at in the first place.
When I worked in West Houston, I used to take packages of canned food with pop tops in my truck all the time. The people seemed very appreciative for the most part. We don't really have any side of the road people out here in West Texas though.. course, not much of anything out here!
Emery, yep, isn't that the worst feeling ever? When you feel like the people begging look the same whether they are trying to raise that 300 dollars for that new toy they had at home, so they dress drab, go and get dirty and then make a cardboard sign... I mean not that there isn't something we could do for weekend warriors who live in their nice house and have cush things but decide to beg on the weekends cause it works so well.
I alway think about that.. anyway and then I wonder if they are telling the truth as well.. I think talking to them helps sometimes, not at lights, but like beggars in general. if you have some jacket you were giving away and they are saying they need winter clothes and they don't want it, then there is something fishy, either they haven't heard "beggars can't be choosers" or they have some other agenda. I much rather, and will pay money, to someone who says, hey bro, I am flat broke and I want to get a drink, then someone who has a car that can't be found even though we drove around looking for it for a few hours, or their family needs food or money, but they live in a crack house... anyway just a really hard thing I am glad you brought it up..
All of the above.
In Boston, I found it especially difficult to decide what to do with regards to the homeless and the panhandlers. Sometimes I would feel intense compassion. Other times I would be in a hurry and feel utterly annoyed. I remember a friend telling me that generosity was never dependent upon our discernment. In other words, we are required to give and trust that the Lord will use our actions as befits his will. Then again, I do believe that there are more efficient, progressive ways of assisting the poor and homeless than merely handing out money on the streets...I suppose the question is not how you give but if you give...no?
And I tagged you first, as your blog is now included in my links!
Thanks for the thoughts... very good ones, indeed. I guess for me, one of the big things is just taking time to be thoughtful about others. I mean, thinking about others tends to come easy for me, but for some reason, homeless people catch me off-guard.
Just to add to the convo, one thing that really struck me last week was this, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Php 2:3-4
That painfully made it obvious to me that I need to re-look at how I consider others in relationship to me... I guess this just points out my own vanity.
Pam - thanks for the understanding!
Ash - good point about being poor in spirit and also how we can tend to pity the poor without understanding them... or just plain loving them
Jennifer - you do bring up some good points and show that CLEARLY this is not an easy issue to analyze. Anytime you're dealing with mental challenges, it's hazy.
Sember - your post made me reflect a bit on the nature of my interactions with homeless folks. In the vast majority of my experiences, it's been in the context of large bustling downtown areas, and I have never been asked for basic life needs (apart from food) until I met a homeless person in Chattanooga. Weird, huh? That just struck me as notable...
Will - I guess when I think about West Texas and the lack of homeless folks... brings up another thought of trying to find the "relatively needy" in communities. In larger cities, they are obvious; in West Texas, that would be more of a challenge, indeed!
Brian - you're right about this being hard. ugh... But also, I think I should be more aware of giving at least some time. That is the one thing that I can definitely give in good conscience.
Sarah - yep, I guess the question is, moreso, HOW to give, as opposed to IF. And I'd tend to agree that handing out money is not a very efficient way to help others, mostly because it is not in the context of a community -- which is something great that a shelter or mission can offer.
Oh, how the mind boggles... and I'm praying that this conversation gets my life moving to more action.
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